Notes on a Man’s Mission and Marriageability

Notes on a man’s mission and marriageability:

In Genesis 2, we have a detailed account of the creation of man and woman on day 6 of the creation week. The man is made first. And God gives the man a job before he gives the man a wife. Adam is commanded to guard and keep the garden. He is given the task of naming the animals. Of course, he will not be able to fulfill the larger task he has been given of ruling and filling the earth (Gen. 1:26ff) unless he is given a wife. But Adam has a clearly defined vocation BEFORE he gets married. This makes sense. He is to be her protector and provider. He is to be her head and leader. He is given a task/mission and then the woman will be given to him to help him in that task/mission. For men this is always the pattern: he defines his mission, then gains a wife as a helper. For men, it is work, then wife. For men, you find a vocation, then you build a household.

The rest of Scripture, insofar as it addresses this issue, teaches the same pattern. Think of Proverbs – the whole book is a father passing on wisdom to his son, to enable his son to fulfill the original vocation of ruling and multiplying. Proverbs is all about a man’s work and a man’s wife. But in Proverbs 24:27, the father says “prepare your work outside, get everything ready for yourself in the field, then build your house.” What does this mean? What is the sequence prescribed for the young man? The man should get skills and get a job first. He should find a productive vocation. Then he builds a house – which means getting a wife to help him and having kids with her. Again: For men, the order is dominion, then multiplication; work, then wife; mission, then marriage; clear your field, then build a household. A man should be well on the way to proving himself as marriageable before he seeks a wife – and a man’s marriageability is tied to his competency as a protector and provider.

Obviously, we can nuance this pattern to fit the modern world in various ways. I do not believe a man has to be making a certain amount of money per year before he marries; it’s ok to start our relatively poor. He may even still be in training for his vocation, e.g., graduate school. But he needs to have a clearly defined pathway – a “cleared field” in the language of Proverbs 24 – before he marries. He needs to know what his vocation will be.