A letter written to a young woman and a young man, as they enter into adulthood:
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Letter to a young woman:
Dear E,
While we don’t live close by where we have the privilege of seeing you growing up, we know your family and we know what your parents’ hopes and expectations for you are. In the years to come, the questions and challenges facing you will get bigger and bigger. Our culture is full of toxins for young people, and it’s not always easy to stay on the righteous path. We love you (and the rest of your family) and want only what is best for you. We want to do all we can to point you to God and to the gospel as your hope and joy. While many things in your life are going to change, the love and truth of God are constants you can always count on. We have two pieces of counsel for you, both of which we are seeking to pass along to our own kids as well: “Guard your heart” and “Remember who you are.” No matter how complicated life gets, you can keep coming back to these two simple slogans.
First, guard you heart, for, as Proverbs 4 says, out of it flow the issues of life. E, your heart is full of loves, dreams, worries, wonderings, temptations, hopes, desires, aspirations, anxieties, uncertainties, questions. But in the midst of it all, you have to keep your heart focused on your first love, the Lord Jesus Christ. Guard your heart from other loves that would rival or displace love for Jesus as preeminent. Guard your heart against pride and vanity, from obsession with what you own or how you look or what others think. Guard your heart against the lies of Satan, remembering that while God’s way may be harder, it’s the only way to lasting joy. Guard your heart from the deceitfulness of riches and the cares of this world. Guard your heart against worry that undermines your trust in the Lord’s sovereignty. Guard your heart against the entertainments of the world that would defile your innocence and drag you down. Guard your heart by choosing your words carefully and using your time redemptively. Guard your heart from young men who would steal it away and trample it underfoot. Guard your heart by not awakening or stirring romantic love before its time. Guard your heart by remembering that the beauty of godliness is the greatest beauty of all — and the most lasting. Guard your heart by entrusting yourself to the Lord in every circumstance, knowing he has a perfect plan for your life. Guard your heart by filling it with God’s Word; don’t just memorize the Scriptures, meditate on them. Guard your heart by listening to your parents, who know you best and love you more than anyone else, and by seeking the counsel of wise advisors whenever you’re faced with a big decision. Guard your heart by pursuing faithful, godly friends to be your closest companions. Guard your heart by staying close to your family and engaged in the life of the church. Guard your heart by finding older Christian women you can imitate and learn from. Guard your heart by being generous to the needy with your time and resources, for nothing gets our priorities in line better than helping those in need. Guard your heart by working hard and giving thanks for all of God’s gifts. Guard your heart by making private prayer and public worship a fixed part of your schedule. Guard your heart by casting your burdens upon the Lord, knowing he cares for you. Guard your heart against the lies our culture preaches to women — such as children are not as important as career, submitting to a husband is oppressive, and women can do or be anything men can do or be. Guard your heart for it is your most precious possession.
Second, remember who you are, E. You do not need to set out to “find yourself” because God has already found you and given you an identity. You are baptized into Christ Jesus which means, as Romans 6 says, you are dead to sin and alive to righteousness. Remember you are now God’s child. He has forgiven you and adopted you. He calls you by name and you are his. Remember that God loved you first, before you could do anything to show him love in return. Remember that for you Jesus Christ came, suffered, and died; for you he cried out, “It is finished!” Remember that for you he rose from the dead, ascended into heaven, and for you he is coming again at the last day. Remember that you are a member of the body and bride of Christ, that you are gifted by the Holy Spirit for service and loved with an everlasting, unbreakable bond of love. Remember you are a sheep, who hears the voice of the Good Shepherd. Remember that you are a disciple of Jesus, called to take up your cross and follow him each day. When you sin, remember that you are a beloved child of God, washed clean by the blood of Christ. When you are afraid, remember who you are — that you are God’s daughter, and God has promised to be with you and protect you and never forsake you. Remember you are a citizen of God’s kingdom, called to seek first his righteousness, no matter what hardship or persecution may come your way. Remember you are a part of the covenant family of God, the church, and you can always find friendship and fellowship among the saints. Remember you were once dead in sins and trespasses, but God made you alive together with Christ and seated you in him in heavenly places. Remember Christ lives in you, the hope of glory. Remember who you are. Be who you are. Become who you are more and more each day. Your deepest identity is found in Christ alone. You are a Christian woman, so live like it!
E, we wish we could be there with you, your family, and friends, but you are in our prayers and we look forward to seeing how God works in your life to bless you and bless others through you in the years to come.
Grace and peace in Christ,
R and J
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Letter to a young man:
Dear L,
While we don’t live close by where we would have had the privilege of seeing you grow up, we know your family and we know what your parents’ hopes and expectations for you are. In the years to come, as you set out on your own, the questions and challenges facing you will get bigger and bigger. Our culture is full of poisons for young people, and it’s not always easy to walk in righteousness. We love you (and the rest of your family) and want only what is best for you. We want to do all we can to point you to God and to the gospel of Christ as your hope and joy. While many things in your life are going to change, the love and truth of God are constants you can always count on. Your dad has asked me to pass along a few pieces wisdom and blessing on the occasion of your eighteenth birthday, and so I want to do so by giving you three slogans to live by.
First, “be who you are.” L, you do not need to set out to “find yourself” because God has already found you and given you an identity. Who you are and how you are to live are already settled. You are baptized into Christ Jesus which means, as Romans 6 says, you are dead to sin and alive to righteousness. You are now God’s child. He has forgiven you and adopted you. He calls you by name and you are his. All that Jesus did, he did for you. He has given you his Holy Spirit to empower you for obedience and service, and he has made you a member of the church, his body and bride. You know who you are: You are saved by Christ; you are a servant of Christ; you are a disciple of Christ. And so I urge you: be who you are! Live out what has been given to you! Be true to who God has made you to be in Christ! Be faithful to the God created you and saved you! You are to trust in Christ and seek to obey Christ. No matter what happens, this is who you are and who you will be and it means you can live will peace and security. Whatever ups and downs you experience in the years to come, whatever prosperity and hardship, do not forget who you are and to whom you belong. In a world where men try so hard to be “self-made,” recognize that you are a “grace-made” man. Like the apostle Paul, you can say, “I am what I am and I do what I do by the grace of God.” In uniting you to Jesus, God has given you everything you need to live a faithful life. He has given you a rich inheritance through the church and through your family, and he has equipped you to serve in his kingdom and to fight manfully under the banner of the cross against the world, the flesh, and the devil. So, again: be who you are! Live out what you have been given! You are God’s blood-bought son, united to the Son, Jesus Christ, so live like it!
Second, “be a man.” Masculinity is under attack in our culture, which has left a lot of young men very confused about how to transition from boyhood into manhood. For a lot of guys, there is a “failure to launch.” Our culture has no idea what a man is or should be, and the very idea of manhood is either despised or seen as threatening. Thankfully, you have been surrounded by strong examples of true manhood, starting with your dad. Biblically, the essence of masculinity is joyfully and sacrificially giving yourself away so that you protect and provide for others. Masculinity means taking responsibility for yourself and for those God assigns to your care. Masculinity means being a leader, exercising initiative, using your authority wisely, and getting the job done. Masculinity means growing in wisdom, courage, and service, so that you use your gifts for the good of others. In our world today, men in general act selfishly and revel in their immaturities. They are all too often lazy and lack ambition. They take advantage of women instead of serving and protecting them. They live for the moment instead of planning for the future. They slide by rather than doing their work with excellence, worthy of the true King. L, in the years to come your manhood will largely be formed by how you handle two of the biggest areas in a man’s life, your work and your wife (these are the twin themes of Proverbs). Go find a vocation. Get the training you need. Figure out how God wants you to use your gifts and get to work, being the best you can be and serving the common good. Don’t worry about how much money you can make (that will come in due time), focus on how many people you can serve. And while you are at it, go find a wife as well. The book of Proverbs says the man who finds a wife finds a good thing. But note the proverb speaks of the man who “finds” a wife – and to find you have to seek. You have to pursue a woman, and you have to do so with honor, integrity, and purity. You have to be the kind of godly man that a godly woman would want to fall in love with – so go be that man! Many godly men I know would say that finding their wife was the best thing that ever happened to them. A wife will complete you and will bring out aspects of your personality and character you didn’t even know were there. She will bless you and sanctify you and mature you. She will be your glory and crown, and will inspire you to do great things. She will be Lady Wisdom to you, the wife of noble character celebrated in Proverbs 31. So when the time is right and the girl is right, go for it. You will be glad you did.
Finally, “he who reads leads.” L, never stop growing and learning. God calls you to dominion and that means learning skills, growing in competence, and developing mastery of some aspect of the creation. Don’t confuse going to college with being educated. Pursue wisdom — and the best way to do that is to put yourself at the feet of those who know more about God’s ways and God’s world than you do. Master the art of continuing education. While you are about to start college, you should recognize that many of the challenges you will face, both inside and outside the classroom, will require greater wisdom than you possess at the moment. While you should always be seeking godly counsel from others whom you respect, you should also continue the process of self-education, especially by reading. In reading books, we are able to seek the counsel of wise men from past generations. Yes, they had their blind spots, but because they lived in a different era, their blind spots are not going to be the same as ours and so they can teach us things we are likely to miss. Read biographies that will inspire you, fiction that will encourage you, and theology that will transform you. Be a student of God’s Word and a student of history. You are gifted for leadership, which means others will be will be looking up to you and relying on you to make decisions that have a huge impact. Leadership is a heavy burden, but by reading widely you are better prepared to make wise decisions and you are far less likely to get caught flat-footed. Every great leader is a lifetime learner. Reading is no substitute for experience but it can certainly help you interpret and learn from your experience.
L, we wish we could be there with you, your family, and friends as you celebrate this milestone and prepare for the next phase of life, but you are in our prayers and we look forward to seeing how God works in your life to bless you and bless others through you. You have a great deal to look forward to in the years to come!
Grace and peace in Christ,
RL
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