The Nagging Wife

The reason Proverbs warns about the nagging wife is not only because it is a form of disrespect, but because a woman cannot lead a man into leadership. When a wife nags a man about his responsibilities, she’s basically telling him to “man up,” but a man cannot be nagged into mature masculinity by a woman. If a man does what his wife is nagging him to do, he is submitting to her and following her leadership, which is effeminate. If she is nagging him about legitimate failures on his part, his refusal to take responsibility is already a sign of effeminacy. A wife is her husband’s helper, but nagging doesn’t help him. It just makes both husband and wife miserable. A woman has never nagged a man into being a better man ever – it has not happened a single time in all of history. Nagging doesn’t work – so only a foolish woman keeps trying it.

Genesis 2 says it is not good for man to be alone. But Proverbs 21:9 indicates it’s better for a man to be alone than to live with a quarrelsome, nagging wife. Such wives hinder rather than help, curse rather than bless, their husbands. Nagging turns the home, which should be a place of peace, into a war zone. Nagging turns the marriage, which should be a source of joy, into a source of misery. When she nags, she destroys the very thing that would make him attractive to her. Nagging is a form of toxic femininity. A respectful wife is a glorious crown on her husband’s head; a nagging wife is a crown of thorns on his head.

A man wants his home to be a place of peace, not contention. He doesn’t want drama. He did not get married so he would have a competitor, but a complement. He did not intend to marry a debating partner. A woman who nags her husband sets herself up as his judge, when what he needs is a cheerleader.

The solution?

1. Husbands must be responsible, mission-oriented men who do their duties. A man who leads and loves his wife well makes himself unnaggable. He seeks counsel from his wife, and then leads his household in the way he deems best. A husband does not need his wife’s permission to lead; God has already authorized him to be her head.
2. Wives must respect their husband’s authority, and not nag him even when he isn’t leading in the way she prefers. She must recognize nagging is always counter-productive. Instead of controlling her husband, she must submit to him; instead of criticizing him, she must respect him. Wives must be quick to praise and slow – very slow – to criticize. If he is an ungodly man, 1 Peter 3 gives her the God-approved strategy for dealing with the situation. We have examples in Scripture of women respectfully and wisely calling on men to do their duties, such as Abigail with David in 1 Samuel 25 and Bathsheba with David in 1 Kings 1. The way for a wife to bring out the best in her husband is for her to express respect towards him. Nagging, by contrast, will bring out the worst in him. Respect masculinizes a man; nagging and badgering emasculates him. Nagging wears him down; respect builds him up. A nagging wife tends to get the kind of husband she deserves because she helped make him that way.